


Keepsake

by SilkCut



Series: Snapshots [1]
Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Love is a Choice, M/M, Nostalgia, Prompt-oriented, Regrets, Unrequited Love, could have been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:39:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilkCut/pseuds/SilkCut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka Doumeki once explained to a young Shizuka that love is made up of a series of acts that express devotion and the willingness for sacrifice; that in order for any love to be real, there should be consistency. Most importantly, love is a choice; a choice you make not just once--whether in the heat of the moment or out of dubious consent--for love is a choice one must make every day, until the end of time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keepsake

**Author's Note:**

> Accompaniment pieces are Watanuki's [Paradox](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4518834) and Kohane's [April Fool](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4518924)

 

 

 

  


 

**224: Unrequited**

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Haruka Doumeki once explained to a young Shizuka that love is made up of a series of acts that express devotion and the willingness for sacrifice; that in order for any love to be real, there should be consistency. Outward displays of affection that extend to touching physically or lavishing each other in a sexual manner are only secondary. In fact, such displays are hollow without continued service and dedication, without risk, for the one you love. Every relationship entails a sacrifice of some sort and one must be careful of the things one offers to the other if the feelings are not at all reciprocated to begin with.

Most importantly, love is a choice; a choice you make not just once--whether in the heat of the moment or out of dubious consent--for love is a choice one must make every day, until the end of time.

"If you can't always tell the person how you feel, then always aspire to show. Actions matter more for words can deceive and be misinterpreted. But not your actions. They readily expose you, and testify to the trueness of your soul." Keeping that in mind, Shizuka Doumeki has never learned to say to anyone he has ever loved that that's how he felt about them, and there aren't other people outside family to say that to anyway. Instead, he made sure that the very few individuals who took hold of his heart can always rely on him; that he can do whatever in his power to protect and serve their needs.

For a short time in his senior year of high school, he became friends with a boy named Kimihiro Watanuki who was burdened with the supernatural sight. For some reason (though a certain shopkeeper of wishes may say "inevitable"), Doumeki happens to posses the resistance toward any paranormal haunting, considering he came from a lineage of exorcists, the most notable of which is his grandfather, Haruka. Naturally, he made the perfect pair with Watanuki and he didn't mind this because the other boy was such an excellent cook, in spite of his other failings Doumeki perceives. Nevertheless, Watanuki's culinary talent was a rather pleasant inevitable quality which he will always be forever thankful for. Doumeki had always been a picky eater but every meal that Watanuki made was a welcome feast.

In a way, that's how it must have started. Doumeki at first took pity on Watanuki-- this gangly, spazzing and awkward bespectacled boy who talks too loudly and dramatically but is actually sadder and heartbreakingly alone than he himself would ever admit. That pity turned to mild amusement when Doumeki discovered he quite enjoyed getting under the other boy's nerves every chance he gets. Mild amusement then hardened to bizarre anxiety over his welfare then softened into genuine concern and then palpable distress each time Watanuki--this irreconcilable idiot of a person--would recklessly endanger himself in expense of the people around him worrying over him needlessly.

And yet in spite of all the horrors and the pain, Kimihiro Watanuki endures, almost effortlessly, without him being entirely conscious about his resilence, and that shows in the way he handles food. Every flavor, every crumb and every serving of his food reveals his prideful joy in preparing it, in sharing it with others. And Doumeki can't help but think how amazing it is--that Watanuki turned all his feelings of isolation and inadequacy into delicious delicacies and carefully assembled contents that filled every bento he produces. Surely, anyone who could cook in a level like Watanuki deserves to be safeguarded. Soon enough, this clumsy, noisy boy he barely noticed in class before became someone whom Doumeki perceives to be "valuable".

To what extent, he had yet to know at first, but that's how it started, he supposed. Certain events unfolded that tested what used to be a flimsy bond between them, and now Doumeki found himself always risking his life--sacrificed half of his left eyesight and a good amount of his blood, even--to keep Watanuki safe. He didn't want him to disappear, most probably because he's going to miss him making bentos. Of course, that's true. But there's so much more to that too--something else that he refused to name and comprehend fully.

He only figured it out on the day when Yuuko Ichihara has gone away and was forgotten by all except for a named few including himself, but none of them ever held on to her memory as stubbornly as Watanuki did. The irreconcilable idiot of a person decided to give up his own ability to age and expire as the ultimate price that will enable him to keep on living and waiting on the off-chance that Yuuko returns. Standing there across him as Watanuki adorned Yuuko's flowing black and crimson kimono, Doumeki could barely utter a single sound. More so when Watanuki added that he also can never physically leave the store.

Doumeki felt the rush of anger which was quickly overpowered by the devastating understanding of Watanuki's choice. Yuuko was valuable to him that he was willing to sacrifice his mortality just to be reunited with her someday.

What else could that level of devotion and commitment be, if not love?

Love, his grandfather explained a long time ago when Shizuka was barely in an age to understand any of it yet, is a choice you make every day until the end of time. A choice you make every single waking moment of existence.

Doumeki, while standing there looking at Watanuki, his chest caving rather painfully under the pressure of the realization, finally understood. All those series of actions, all for the sake of preserving a Watanuki who believed himself to be slowly disappearing, Doumeki knew in his heart of hearts that he would do it all over again--and who's to say he shouldn't?

Watanuki passed him by with the black and crimson kimono's hem trailing after him but Doumeki didn't move. He offered no vocal protest but instead stood there with a self-assured resignation that seemed to have enveloped his entire being. It seems Watanuki wasn't the only one resolute with his own choice.

He never learned to say it, and perhaps he never will, but over the next six years since that day Shizuka Doumeki accepted in the most quiet manner possible and true to his namesake that he loves Kimihiro Watanuki--absolutely and unshakably.

There is no need for any outward display of affection, or aspire for physical intimacy of the sexual nature. All that is left is to maintain a consistency during Domeki's own short-lived days to serve, protect and watch over the other man; to love him until the end of his time…and perhaps even find a way to still love him beyond that.


End file.
